How to easily and effectively close a face...

Hello everyone.

Once again, I found out how important it is to work on having strong boundaries and self-respect. I wanted to share my observations with you and give you a gift of a certain behavior that I tested and which certainly works. I am writing this entry for the fourth time because electronic devices do not want to work with me today. So please appreciate it 😁.

Today's topic is closely related to very complicated and difficult topics that we will talk about in the future.

How to win every verbal skirmish? How to behave when someone insults or attacks us or accuses us of something unreasonably, or does other things that are designed to provoke us and take some energy from us?

Some people think that arguing and pulling aces from the sleeve and the rabbit from the hat we gives us a chance to prove to someone that we are right and we are smarter. That you need to educate and read a lot of books and once you have a sublime vocabulary and extensive knowledge on various topics, we will bend the the enemy so that his jaw will drop and he will collect teeth from the floor. You have to read books, it may cause that dementia will hit us later than sooer🙂. However, the Japanese are considered as one of the wiser nations for a reason. Martial arts such as Aikido use the opponent's strength against him. He doesn't collapse blindly with his paws or even with very professional self-defense equipment. And this is what people who argue, call and insult the other side try to do.

The same should be done in every situation in which someone tries to enter our borders. So don't give it back to someone with double strength. You must not waste energy on unnecessary things and certainly not to prove your argument to anyone. You need to use this energy to build yourself, your resources. We certainly have some deficiencies to work on. Of course, if someone likes to argue, please do so. You can stop reading this post and this blog at all. And then moan that I do not feel like to do anything, I have no strength and energy (and motivation 😁).

Why is there no point in telling someone that you do not appreciate this or that? Because, first of all, nobody cares what we appreciate. Everyone will behave in a ways to get his/her own interests. Secondly, you can't tell anyone how to behave. This is not our role. And also, every person should have an internal location of control, i.e. understand that all responsibility for my behavior lies in my hands.

Okay, what to do and how to behave? I know that now some people may choke, but I know what I am saying because I checked it on myself. You should not do anything. Just don't react at all. You can look astonished at this person and take care of your business. But you can also have fun and give yourself some entertainment.

I will give an example.

A friend is angry with you for not spending time with him. He starts to insult you by saying that you are selfish, how can you behave like that at all. He tries so hard and you are an egoist. You can and you should agree with him immediately. Say something like that - ''you're right. I can't make friendships at all. And certainly not as valuable as you. I understand that I should be at your every call, but unfortunately I can not do it. I am very sorry about that. I don't think I deserve the friendship of someone like you.''

And you have to say it very honestly. Do not take offense or roll your eyes. You have to look as if you really thought so. Pretend to be stupid.

Why is this appropriate?

First of all, if we understand that our friend who is an adult and yet needs our care and nanny and does not respect the fact that we are a separate person and we have the right not to want to meet him or have other matters and not have time to talk, has a problem with himself, we will not feel guilty. We do not instruct anyone, do not insult or do anything wrong. Secondly, a friend may be very surprised, especially if he knows us and expects us to start arguing or offending. He may even think about his behavior and come to the conclusion that he did the wrong thing. And he can apologize to us because he will subconsciously feel guilty, which is very good. He attacked us and wanted to manipulate us. And certainly he will never behave like that with us again, because he will see that he will not receive from us the energy he wanted to take from us. That is why strong people are impervious to manipulators.

I know that some people think that how can you not react by attacking poke? How can you not knock someone down and give him back? Such people believe that the attitude of a strong person dictates ''I will show them''. Why is this not strength but weakness? Logically, this means that you think you need to show someone that you will not allow to be treated like this. But that means we let ourselves be provoked and the other party just won. In fact the only thing we are showing by such a behaviour is that we have no control at all and everyone can jerk us like a flush in old toilets. Therefore, if we have to prove something to someone, it means that we have no strength at all. If we have to show someone that I won, I'm smarter, it means that we put someone above us. So the opinion of others is more important than our opinion about ourselves. And this has nothing to do with strength. Where there is peace and harmony and self-control, there is strength. A person who is really strong, he knows about himself. She herself is sure of her value and the opinion of other people means to her as much as the wind outside the window. So she hears but doesn't pay attention to it. She doesn't have to run around the street and ask passers-by what they think about her. Such a person understands and respects the fact that everyone who walks on this land has the right to have their opinions. And if someone thinks I'm an idiot, he has that right because it's his opinion that was the result of his life experience and it has nothing to do with me. And when we want to show others that I'm not an idiot at all, it means that we are not so sure. If someone starts to convince me that I am from India, then I will look at him in surprise and go away. I won't start reciting Polish classical literature to convince him. Because I am sure that I am Polish. :)

If we feel like explaining, it means that we have to work on self-respect. You should never explain anything to someone who is behaving improperly towards you. For what purpose should you explain? That person, if he had a predisposition to understand it, would never act that way. In addition, it is not our role to be a teacher, to be smart and tell someone how to live if we have not been asked to. You can only show something with your wise behavior. There is no need to use any words. 

I recommend that you check it yourself. I am a supporter of learning through my own experience and verifying myself for every information I hear. Greetings to all.