Why do you have to forgive your parents?

Hello lovely people :)

Why should you deal with your situation with your parents? How does this affect our relationships in adulthood? Is it important or can you forget about it?

The answer is: therefore. As always. Because we are already adults and if we have any unresolved matters with parents, we have grief and grievances to parents, we hate them for what they did to us in childhood, we feel injured, we feel a victim - it has a direct impact on all our adult and the current life.

Perfect parents don't exist. There are parents who humiliate children, beat, burn cigarettes, leave them in the dustbin, drink and do drugs, scream, do not have time for a child because they run after a career, obsessively control etc. Therefore, surely each of us or at least most of us had some experience from our parents who make us feel regret and grudge in our hearts. Sometimes people are able to learn to ignore their parents or one parent, the 'bad' one, not have contact with him, get married or go to the convent to escape from home. But this is just putting your hand on the hole in your pants and saying that the hole is gone. Until we process the subject ourselves, we will never form successful relationships in adulthood.

What do you need to understand? First of all, every parent loves his child and, in his opinion, does everything for the good of the child. Sounds like bullshit, I know, but it is truth. When you ask your father why he beat his daughter, he says that she was so rude, she did not study and he had no choice. He wanted the daughter to come out as a good person. And in one this father was right - he had no choice. Why? Because this father once had his father. And grandfather. He grew up in some specific conditions and environments. He has passed his nightmares. He doesn't beat a child because he wants to. He has no choice but to beat. In this situation, in such conditions, the father is the person who does so. I repeat again - for him it was not a matter of choice. He couldn't behave differently. This is the basic thing to understand, remember and stop despairing and thinking about all these things.

Secondly, a mother who does not love a child, she will not carry it for nine months under her heart. She will not suffer childbirth pains, feed this child, get up for him at night. She will terminate the pregnancy and will not give birth to him at all. And the fact that a mother who is, for example, a drug addict and leaves her child in the church or in the trash can, because she loves her child. And she knows that for him it is better than her '' care '' which she cannot provide because her addiction is stronger than everything. She knows that someone will find a child and take care of him better than she does. That is why her love for her child is revealed in this. People have so many problems, so many shortcomings, just some defects in their emotions and self-understanding that they just give as much as they have. Because they don't have any more. Not because they can give and they don't want to. No, they do not have.

Another thing is that our parents lived in different times. There were no "quivers", no internet, no help, no information about self-development. They didn't have the same opportunities to help ourselves that we have today. That is why it is necessary to understand that now we are not a small child, we are adults and parents are old and now we have to grown beyond them. Listen, you don't have to love anyone. You don't even have to forgive anyone. No one needs this to be happy. If you don't love your parents, just admit it to yourself: okay, I don't love you. And that's it. You don't have to be sorry and think that I don't know if I can forgive them all the wrongs. So don't forgive. There are no rules who I should love and who I should not. Just because someone is my family does not mean that I have to love my family. Or feel a bond with them. Since the bond has not been established, I will not feel closeness with these people.

Lastly, we have to deal with it for ourselves. Therefore, being on the beach in Maledives, where everything is beautiful, do not play the same dialogues in your head again and ask the same questions. Because one day we will have children and when we give them a birthday party, we will think: my mother did not make a birthday. She didn't remember about me at all. She told me I was nobody. We will never live happily, we will not form relationships and we will always feel a victim. And rolling this topic indefinitely also makes no sense. Understand, remake these situations (e.g. with a psychologist if we can't cope alone), close this door and never open it.

If still,despite the fact that we are 30 years old, have a husband and children and we live alone, our parents treat us with disrespect, insult, humiliate or do anything that suits us, we do one thing. I will go into that later on. If anyone is interested, you can write to me, I will explain. And remember - if you don't want to, don't forgive. You are not obligated to love anybody and there is nothing wrong about it. You don't need to feel guilty about that.

I wanted you to know that I do not justify the pathological behavior of parents towards children. I believe that everyone will pay the price for what they do, no matter if they do it consciously or not. And the parents who acted like that are probably regretting today because they know they won't have a family. They know that their children don't love them. So if you are a psychopath or a sociopath, you should go to the doctor and do something about it. But we still remember that people only behave in the way they can behave at the moment.