Before you die, make sure you have lived.

Hello lovely people :)

Why should you deal with your situation with your parents? How does this affect our relationships in adulthood? Is it important or can you forget about it?

The answer is: therefore. As always. Because we are already adults and if we have any unresolved matters with parents, we have grief and grievances to parents, we hate them for what they did to us in childhood, we feel injured, we feel a victim - it has a direct impact on all our adult and the current life.

Perfect parents don't exist. There are parents who humiliate children, beat, burn cigarettes, leave them in the dustbin, drink and do drugs, scream, do not have time for a child because they run after a career, obsessively control etc. Therefore, surely each of us or at least most of us had some experience from our parents who make us feel regret and grudge in our hearts. Sometimes people are able to learn to ignore their parents or one parent, the 'bad' one, not have contact with him, get married or go to the convent to escape from home. But this is just putting your hand on the hole in your pants and saying that the hole is gone. Until we process the subject ourselves, we will never form successful relationships in adulthood.

What do you need to understand? First of all, every parent loves his child and, in his opinion, does everything for the good of the child. Sounds like bullshit, I know, but it is truth. When you ask your father why he beat his daughter, he says that she was so rude, she did not study and he had no choice. He wanted the daughter to come out as a good person. And in one this father was right - he had no choice. Why? Because this father once had his father. And grandfather. He grew up in some specific conditions and environments. He has passed his nightmares. He doesn't beat a child because he wants to. He has no choice but to beat. In this situation, in such conditions, the father is the person who does so. I repeat again - for him it was not a matter of choice. He couldn't behave differently. This is the basic thing to understand, remember and stop despairing and thinking about all these things.

Secondly, a mother who does not love a child, she will not carry it for nine months under her heart. She will not suffer childbirth pains, feed this child, get up for him at night. She will terminate the pregnancy and will not give birth to him at all. And the fact that a mother who is, for example, a drug addict and leaves her child in the church or in the trash can, because she loves her child. And she knows that for him it is better than her '' care '' which she cannot provide because her addiction is stronger than everything. She knows that someone will find a child and take care of him better than she does. That is why her love for her child is revealed in this. People have so many problems, so many shortcomings, just some defects in their emotions and self-understanding that they just give as much as they have. Because they don't have any more. Not because they can give and they don't want to. No, they do not have.

Another thing is that our parents lived in different times. There were no "quivers", no internet, no help, no information about self-development. They didn't have the same opportunities to help ourselves that we have today. That is why it is necessary to understand that now we are not a small child, we are adults and parents are old and now we have to grown beyond them. Listen, you don't have to love anyone. You don't even have to forgive anyone. No one needs this to be happy. If you don't love your parents, just admit it to yourself: okay, I don't love you. And that's it. You don't have to be sorry and think that I don't know if I can forgive them all the wrongs. So don't forgive. There are no rules who I should love and who I should not. Just because someone is my family does not mean that I have to love my family. Or feel a bond with them. Since the bond has not been established, I will not feel closeness with these people.

Lastly, we have to deal with it for ourselves. Therefore, being on the beach in Maledives, where everything is beautiful, do not play the same dialogues in your head again and ask the same questions. Because one day we will have children and when we give them a birthday party, we will think: my mother did not make a birthday. She didn't remember about me at all. She told me I was nobody. We will never live happily, we will not form relationships and we will always feel a victim. And rolling this topic indefinitely also makes no sense. Understand, remake these situations (e.g. with a psychologist if we can't cope alone), close this door and never open it.

If still,despite the fact that we are 30 years old, have a husband and children and we live alone, our parents treat us with disrespect, insult, humiliate or do anything that suits us, we do one thing. I will go into that later on. If anyone is interested, you can write to me, I will explain. And remember - if you don't want to, don't forgive. You are not obligated to love anybody and there is nothing wrong about it. You don't need to feel guilty about that.

I wanted you to know that I do not justify the pathological behavior of parents towards children. I believe that everyone will pay the price for what they do, no matter if they do it consciously or not. And the parents who acted like that are probably regretting today because they know they won't have a family. They know that their children don't love them. So if you are a psychopath or a sociopath, you should go to the doctor and do something about it. But we still remember that people only behave in the way they can behave at the moment.

Hi all of my beautiful friends.

I haven't been here for a long time and it means that life flows nice and pleasant if I don't have time to write stupid things.

But.

Recently, I was inspired by a person I know to write this post. This person won't read it, because some people don't want to grow. They will moan, complain and feel sorry for themselves, but to make an effort to hard work on themselves, they are not interested. So if so, I think that everything suits them as it is. Even if life is hopeless, but it can be endured.

Back to the topic. How to have high self-esteem and love yourself? How to become strong and independent which means happy? How to learn not to waste your energy sending it everywhere and stabilize your psyche?

First of all, stop being a leaky bag from which all deeds, emotions and even thoughts spill out. We should begin to understand that our "very important matters" are only so important for us. And you don't have to honor other people with them, even very important ones. When someone does not respond to the hundredth message from us, when he politely asks us to leave through the door, what do we do? We do not give up, we continue to write messages and try to get inside through the window, finishing the remains of doubtful self-respect and even more doubtful interest in knowing us? No.

We sense where and when the interest in us ends and we either try to fix it if we care about the relationship, or we finally shut up and turn towards ourselves. How to improve this situation, where we have already made a lot of mistakes and now we see, that we are not welcome there anymore?

First of all - we have to grow up. We have to stop seeing other people as our mum, and stop running towards her showing her our beautiful poop. Secondly - we have to stop being selfish. And we begin to think - what valuable can I give to this person? What pleasure does she/he has from being around or talking to me? We stop pulling our hands toward her and focus on her. Of course, some people think that their snot is interesting enough that everyone will run in jumps to watch it. And listen to another fascinating story about how life is unfair. And it will be more and more unfair if you don't stop looking from side to side instead of yourself. The question that every human should ask himself is: what am I doing that makes my life look like this? Do not complain about others, how everyone cheats, exploits, and what a bad party and what a bad government and what neighbors. Questions and claims should only be to yourself. No, why the boss is using me, but why I let it. Why can't I set boundaries? Why don't I change my job. Why am I afraid of the boss? How pathetic looks an adult person who instead of waking up, still moans and moans and still thinks that someone wants to listen to it.

Believe me, there are people who are being respected by everyone, from the spouse to the man opening the door for them in the hotel. Is this some magic? Abracadabra? No, it's just being responsible for yourself, directing questions and grievances to yourself and man exudes such an energy, that no one dares to not respect him. So I repeat again - we direct everything inside.

Believe me, nobody really cares about our lives, our affairs and problems. And if anyone is interested, he will ask you, I guarantee. And if someone does not ask me what's going on and I come and tell stories, it is as if I brought someone a bag of rubbish to someone's home and started pouring content on the carpet in the living room. And I will not worry about the fact that the owner of the house just bought a new Persian rug, I do not care. I'm having a great time. And then I'm surprised why someone ignores me, why someone doesn't answer or doesn't really want to have contact with me. So you don't have to be surprised just to reflect.

People I'm talking about have one more feature. They come to us for help. And we give them this help in the form of various materials, trainings, books and what else. We give it because we know that it is hard to work on ourselves and if we have any way we want to share. But for such a parasite is not enough! He won't put work into doing something with him. He is not going to waste time, money or energy. He will come to us for ready answer to his every question, every problem. And he will also blame us for not wanting to devote our time to his vomit. After all, of course, we certainly don't have anything cooler or better to do, except to share your hard-earned resources, with someone who doesn't even want to move a finger to do something by himself. And that's why such people have to be left alone. They will eventually fall to the bottom, realize that they are under the table and collect crumbs from the floor and then they will immediately want to change. And work. You don't have to feel any remorse for doing so. Absolutely none.

If someone works on himself, develops, practices all these skills and asks for help is a completely different matter. Then you want to help him, you want to talk to him, you can share your thoughts and this conversations brings something good, it has some value for both sides. But if someone still comes to us for alms, for advice, for energy, you need to close the borders and doors in front of them, because before you will realise, you will start loosing your energy, motivation and all that.

Greetings to all beggars and I hope that the message arrived :).