Before you die, make sure you have lived.

Sometimes people encounter a situation when they meet another person, this person touches them with something, everything looks beautiful and nice until suddenly they hear something like: you are wonderful, beautiful, amazing and you are the best person I have met, but I have such problems with myself, that I'm afraid to get involved. It's not about you, because you are great, but unfortunately I have such problems. Or I don't deserve you. Of course, I gave an example of a woman, but men also come in such situations.

First of all, why you should not believe it?

Well, first of all, because such words mean roughly the same as: I don't want you, but I feel responsible for your feelings and I'm afraid to say simply that it's just about you. It also means that man really cares about how he looks in our eyes because there is no such thing as someone who loves but is too shy or too afraid to be together. He doesn't love, at least not enough. I guarantee that when he meets the one he loves, he will not be afraid of involvement or anything else. Can you imagine that you love someone very much and you don't do everything to be with that person? I do not. In any such case it is just ordinary talking and therefore you do not need to pay attention to it. It should one answer for that - as you wish. And go calmly towards exit.

Some neurotic people, when they hear such words, the big love beggins. The love so unbelievable, that it will never happen again. They try to enthusiastically prove to such a person that on the contrary, he deserves me and I will show it to him in all possible ways. They are becoming a lifeguard. They try to melt his heart. They start proving that I will be the one, I will wait for you no matter how long, and I will go on my knees just for you to open up. They start to prove that they are worth to be loved, and the more they do so, the faster their ''loved one'' is running away. Why is it not worth being a lifeguard? The correct answer - because.

Because, first of all, there are qualified people who are paid for it, and to who people would come of their own free will when they will be interested. Secondly, you should always ask yourself what can I improve in MY life, and I guarantee that such spheres will be found. We always have something to work on, because life is a constant work and study. Let's also let others live in peace and focus on ourselves. Thirdly, this is a very ungrateful task, and most of the time being a lifeguard can end in a tragic way for the one who does it. When we want to help someone and we think that this person necessarily needs us, then we take a position from above. There are situations when, for example, a woman with a well-developed career, beautiful and seemingly independent, maintains her alcoholic husband. Why? Because she became such a lifeguard. It seemed to her that she had power over him, because he was so poor and clumsy. Well-qualified pickupers know that it is best at the beginning of acquaintance to just take a position from below, and give someone ''power'' over yourself. And when our savior feels confident and feels control, the charmer packs the furniture on his back and disappears. And the rescuer stays with his finger in the ass, not understanding anything, and often for years unable to cope with the situation. Because he became addicted to this poor thing.

For this reason, let's leave saving other for the qualified people who do it professionally, and let's focus on saving ourselves, only and exclusively. Therefore, if someone is so shy and fearful that he is afraid to get involved in a relationship with us, there is nothing to regret. You have to lose your illusions that it's definitely the fault of his parents, grandparents, employer and lady at the post office. You have to say to yourself, :I'm sorry, he didn't like me enough, I'm not a value to this person, because if I were, that person would not have offer me a breakup.'' And since he offer,ed I agree and I'm going on because somewhere there is someone who will want me as I am and if he really loves me, there will be no childhood traumas.

I know a woman who met a man after very difficult transitions, after a month of acquaintance they lived together with their children from previous marriages and after 3 months they got engaged. This is a guy who was not afraid of anything, he knew that he loved this woman and knew what he wanted. Also, really do not believe in this nonsense like ''I am scared'' and absolutely let the Mother of God defend you from stopping this person if he wants to go. Let him go, wish him wind in his sails and that's it. I guarantee that sooner or later you will meet him walking hand by hand with someone else after some time and if you do not get rid of the illusion in the right time, then it can only hurt and you can feel really really bad. Not worth it :)

Hello everyone.

Once again, I found out how important it is to work on having strong boundaries and self-respect. I wanted to share my observations with you and give you a gift of a certain behavior that I tested and which certainly works. I am writing this entry for the fourth time because electronic devices do not want to work with me today. So please appreciate it 😁.

Today's topic is closely related to very complicated and difficult topics that we will talk about in the future.

How to win every verbal skirmish? How to behave when someone insults or attacks us or accuses us of something unreasonably, or does other things that are designed to provoke us and take some energy from us?

Some people think that arguing and pulling aces from the sleeve and the rabbit from the hat we gives us a chance to prove to someone that we are right and we are smarter. That you need to educate and read a lot of books and once you have a sublime vocabulary and extensive knowledge on various topics, we will bend the the enemy so that his jaw will drop and he will collect teeth from the floor. You have to read books, it may cause that dementia will hit us later than sooer🙂. However, the Japanese are considered as one of the wiser nations for a reason. Martial arts such as Aikido use the opponent's strength against him. He doesn't collapse blindly with his paws or even with very professional self-defense equipment. And this is what people who argue, call and insult the other side try to do.

The same should be done in every situation in which someone tries to enter our borders. So don't give it back to someone with double strength. You must not waste energy on unnecessary things and certainly not to prove your argument to anyone. You need to use this energy to build yourself, your resources. We certainly have some deficiencies to work on. Of course, if someone likes to argue, please do so. You can stop reading this post and this blog at all. And then moan that I do not feel like to do anything, I have no strength and energy (and motivation 😁).

Why is there no point in telling someone that you do not appreciate this or that? Because, first of all, nobody cares what we appreciate. Everyone will behave in a ways to get his/her own interests. Secondly, you can't tell anyone how to behave. This is not our role. And also, every person should have an internal location of control, i.e. understand that all responsibility for my behavior lies in my hands.

Okay, what to do and how to behave? I know that now some people may choke, but I know what I am saying because I checked it on myself. You should not do anything. Just don't react at all. You can look astonished at this person and take care of your business. But you can also have fun and give yourself some entertainment.

I will give an example.

A friend is angry with you for not spending time with him. He starts to insult you by saying that you are selfish, how can you behave like that at all. He tries so hard and you are an egoist. You can and you should agree with him immediately. Say something like that - ''you're right. I can't make friendships at all. And certainly not as valuable as you. I understand that I should be at your every call, but unfortunately I can not do it. I am very sorry about that. I don't think I deserve the friendship of someone like you.''

And you have to say it very honestly. Do not take offense or roll your eyes. You have to look as if you really thought so. Pretend to be stupid.

Why is this appropriate?

First of all, if we understand that our friend who is an adult and yet needs our care and nanny and does not respect the fact that we are a separate person and we have the right not to want to meet him or have other matters and not have time to talk, has a problem with himself, we will not feel guilty. We do not instruct anyone, do not insult or do anything wrong. Secondly, a friend may be very surprised, especially if he knows us and expects us to start arguing or offending. He may even think about his behavior and come to the conclusion that he did the wrong thing. And he can apologize to us because he will subconsciously feel guilty, which is very good. He attacked us and wanted to manipulate us. And certainly he will never behave like that with us again, because he will see that he will not receive from us the energy he wanted to take from us. That is why strong people are impervious to manipulators.

I know that some people think that how can you not react by attacking poke? How can you not knock someone down and give him back? Such people believe that the attitude of a strong person dictates ''I will show them''. Why is this not strength but weakness? Logically, this means that you think you need to show someone that you will not allow to be treated like this. But that means we let ourselves be provoked and the other party just won. In fact the only thing we are showing by such a behaviour is that we have no control at all and everyone can jerk us like a flush in old toilets. Therefore, if we have to prove something to someone, it means that we have no strength at all. If we have to show someone that I won, I'm smarter, it means that we put someone above us. So the opinion of others is more important than our opinion about ourselves. And this has nothing to do with strength. Where there is peace and harmony and self-control, there is strength. A person who is really strong, he knows about himself. She herself is sure of her value and the opinion of other people means to her as much as the wind outside the window. So she hears but doesn't pay attention to it. She doesn't have to run around the street and ask passers-by what they think about her. Such a person understands and respects the fact that everyone who walks on this land has the right to have their opinions. And if someone thinks I'm an idiot, he has that right because it's his opinion that was the result of his life experience and it has nothing to do with me. And when we want to show others that I'm not an idiot at all, it means that we are not so sure. If someone starts to convince me that I am from India, then I will look at him in surprise and go away. I won't start reciting Polish classical literature to convince him. Because I am sure that I am Polish. :)

If we feel like explaining, it means that we have to work on self-respect. You should never explain anything to someone who is behaving improperly towards you. For what purpose should you explain? That person, if he had a predisposition to understand it, would never act that way. In addition, it is not our role to be a teacher, to be smart and tell someone how to live if we have not been asked to. You can only show something with your wise behavior. There is no need to use any words. 

I recommend that you check it yourself. I am a supporter of learning through my own experience and verifying myself for every information I hear. Greetings to all.

Today I will tell you such a secret that it will change your life. I will tell you how to make every man madly fall in love with you and how to make man of you dreams to be yours forever. I have a lot of experience in this matter because I was able to do it with many people and it certainly works that way. Okay, let's start then.

Of course, I'm kidding, nothing like that exists. No magic tablet, or any other nonsense like that. Although, as far as I know, seduction schools are bursting at the seams, but maybe I don't have enough knowledge on the subject. However, if someone is thinking about such matters, it would be appropriate to get out from under the table, because such a person is sitting there, it is impossible to be lower. 

Today I am going to talk about something called self-respect. When you lose it, is it something important or just beautiful words, and what does it even mean.

If a woman or man sleeps with random people, does it mean that she has no self-respect? Many people will probably say yes. However, I don't see anything like that. When does self-respect is running away? When we put someone above us. Then, when this gentleman with whom we slept is not replying and is not interested to continue seeing us, and we think he is probably so shy or afraid of being involved. This is by the way a very interesting topic, which we will probably discuss soon. But for now we will stick to the topic. So if someone is clearly not interested in us, and we still run after him, we are looking for good advice on what to do here, how to interest him and in what costume to dance in front of him on the table next time or what orchestra to rent for a romantic candle light dinner to show him our uniqueness, it's worth taking a step back and knocking yourself on the head. When someone does not want us, does not need us and clearly shows it, the only correct reaction is go to the exit. It's just not our person and there is nothing to regret or wipe the snot from under our nose. If we meet someone and this person hurts us, he does things that hurt us and despite our requests he does not change his behavior, and we still moan, complain but still remain in this relationship, then our respect for ourselves buries 100 meters underground. And disappears. You can never lose your self-respect. Not because it's such beautiful theories and words. Because if we lose our self-esteem, we have nothing left because we won't have ourselve anymore. What are these situations?

When we try to explain everything, even though we know we are right. And even if we are wrong, do not explain. You have to apologize and repent (if it's honest), then give the other party the opportunity to think about it. We maintain respect when we ALWAYS follow the principle: I am not interested in relationships with someone who is not interested in relationships with me. And this fact you can sense immediately. We always know, even subconsciously, that someone probably does not value us very much or does not care about us. Why do people run after what is unreachable? Why do we put someone above ourselves thinking that he or she is better than me? Of course, this is due to neuroticism and various complicated things in the subconscious mind, because nobody consciously behaves like that. But it's worth working on it just to have a healthy interpersonal relationship, a happy life and a nice relationship. There is simply no chance without it. We will always '' hit '' the wrong people and then we will tthink that we are so unlucky. '' I always find idiots or unfaithful women'' - this is what our mind will tell us. The truth is, that we don't hit anything without a purpose, we always make choice even if we do not realise that. And if another relationship ends in the same way, or another guy behaves the same, then it is worth opening the eyes wider and look more closely. Or you can also stay in relationships that are just so-so and do not bring happiness or love, but think that this is life and nobody is perfect, and other people are in the worst situations.

It all depends on you, as always and you will always do whatever you wish. However, I think that it is worth doing everything in your life to be happy because we have only one life, and besides, we never know how much time we have.

So I wish you all happy life, amazing and loving relationships and all the best because you can have it all :)

Illusions are a very dangerous tool to protect our ego and our sense of happiness. Illusions are like a very unprofitable loan with far too high interest rates. A man who instead of colliding with reality hides behind an illusion, will always pay for it. I will tell you how it all works today.

When we find ourselves in a situation that causes psychological discomfort, most of us try to minimize it as much as possible. And then the illusions appear. We do it just to feel better. But these illusions will one day, sooner or later shatter the floor and we will have to face the truth anyway. It is not without reason that the saying 'the truth will set you free' is very apt and true.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of illusion and almost everyone sometimes allows it. In most cases this is obviously unconscious. But once we realize the situation, it will be easier for us to stop and thus protect ourselves from the crown of illusion.

I will give you few eamples now.

Let's say we meet someone and we like that person a lot. And we really want to be with this person. But this man does not value us very much and he is not very interested in us. Then we can start hiding in the illusion that he is probably very shy, or that he once had a broken heart and now he is scared. Or we fall in love with a married woman who complains a lot about her husband, he does not understand her, she does not love him and will certainly divorce soon. Just waiting for a good moment. E.g. When the children will grow up, or the husband has a very hard time at work and she doesn't want to give him more stress. Or when she rewrites her fortune. Or when the mother-in-law gets well.

Of course, the illusions tell us that it is worth the wait, she certainly does not lie. We do not think, why someone who does not love her husband is married to him? Or that a good moment will not come. And if you realize that this woman will never leave her husband, that if she is with him, she wants to be with him and we are just a toy or something not important, there would be no place for illusions. Of course she will say how much she loves you. So you have to look in your face and say that the facts speak for themselves and you don't have to listen to beautiful words. You have to experience this discomfort associated with the fact that we have misplaced our feelings and this person is not for us. Then you can stop sticking and moaning. And ask stupid questions forcing a guarantee. It must be said: my love, I love you more than anything in this world, and I love you same as you love me. I'm all yours. As soon as you divorce, you know my phone number. And take care of your business. Of course it's not easy and it hurts a lot. I know how it hurts parting or clashing with the truth. It is such a shock that we have no strength and we do everything not to just die. That's all I say, I don't think it's easy. But I also don't think that everything has to be beaten around the bush. And that life is not zero one. Or that it's not black or white. But we can handle everything for sure.

When we stop being surrounded by illusions, life will become much easier. You won't have to spend hours analyzing someone's behavior. You will not lose respect for yourself.

Or a woman who does not represent too much and mainly spends the evenings watching TV with a packet of crisps can fall into the illusion that men are immature because they do not see her inner beauty. She will run away from the truth that she has something to do with herself here. Or she can say that men are simply afraid of strong women. I never heard more bullshit. The boys can be scared. But why the real man should be afraid of a strong woman? He will be more than happy to have one by his side, not hanging on him and expecting him to give her stars and fulfill all her needs.

Let those who are afraid to be afraid. But just because someone has nothing to give to another person does not mean that it is the fault of others that she/he has no luck. But it's easier to hide behind the illusion than to move your ass than and start working hard on yourself.

Another situation could be the sex only relationship in which a woman cheats on herself that it's just sex. Such a relationship is possible only in the case of two very mature people who meet for one purpose and then do not think about themselves and do not contact between meetings. And such a woman falls in love with a man who wants nothing more from her and convinces herself that she is so terribly liberated. And then she is hypnotizes the pfone and waiting for these text messages. And one day he says: listen, I like you terribly but I am not ready for a relationship, I am afraid to get involved. And she'll come up with the whole story as if it wasn't for the fact that he doesn't have time, he is very busy, his heart is broken, his mother is in a wheelchair and so on, they would definitely be together for the rest of their lives. Hovewer I assure you, if he will find the one he will find time, money, energy, engagement, and all the ways to make it happen. Trust me, man can do everything if he really cares. And it would be better just not to push yourself into such relationships and not pretend to yourself that you do not want any love. Or, since you agreed to it, in fact, when the door closes behind our colleague, we throw him out of his head and from life until the next time.

Illusions must be disposed of all costs and in all aspects of life. If that will happen, we will never have to cheat on ourselves anymore. 

Hello again.

Today we will discover the secret of all time andwe will answer the question: How to be a happy person?

Of course, everyone likes to complicate simple matters, so as usual, I simplify everything. I will present to you this uncomplicated thought in points. So let's get started.

Number one - always do only what you want.

I will immediately anticipate any questions about the morality of this statement. I am addressing everything I say to people who are mentally healthy and not those who, for example, want to blow up Parliament. Yes, I only tick for the rule :). So we have to make sure that in our lives we do what we want and absolutely do not do what we do not want. Simple right? So if I don't want to go to work every morning because I hate it, what should I do? You have to change job. If I meet with some people just because it falls out, then I stop meeting them, because it falls out to live my life the best and not to bother at every step satisfying the needs of everyone and everyone. If I am with my husband just because in 20 years he dies, I will get all of his properties and money, then I have to go to work and stop being dependent on my husband. You must slowly, in very small steps remove the reasons why I can not live as I want. If I don't have enough resources to leave my husband, I have to collect all these resources from scratch. If I can't change my job because I don't have enough skills to get another job, then we start with that. There is nothing to moan your whole life and blame everything and everyone. If I want to eat food from a well-known fast food every day and watch series all day, then I should do it. After a while I will look in the mirror and I will definitely want to go to the gym. And then I will do what I want. So the rule number one, we do only what we want.

Number two - we always build all relationships on our own terms.

So if we are an adult 35-year-old woman and our mother tells us how to live, or why we don't have a husband yet, or why we have that one and what the crap at home, and who we are, we ask ourselves one simple question - do I want to listen to this? If not, and probably nobody in their right mind will not be happy to hear this, what are we doing? We say mommy - mommy I love you very much, but from now on you won't be calling me that way. We will not talk about these topics at all, otherwise we will have to limit contact, does my lovely mother understand me? Mum will say: how dare you talk to your mother like that and who did I raise? What kind of daughter are you? Then we hang up immediatly saying that we have something important to do. Mummy will call next time and start lamenting, we say sorry mum but I have a bus. We will behave this way several times and the mother will understand that she will either stop acting like this or she will not have a family. And so you should do it with everyone and in every situation. And do not think what your neighbor Ben will think or how I look in other people's eyes. First of all, it's not our business and secondly, we can worry about everyone around and try to dance as the orchestra plays, but this is OUR LIFE. . And besides, by agreeing to such treatment we don't make anyone happy, just the opposite. We are adults and mother no longer has power over us. So we never agree with disrespect and humiliation. Goodbye. If we meet a man and he drinks occasionally every day, then you should not fantasize about how you will change him into an abstinente. We see the man as he is and either we take him or not. Or someone doesn't have time for us. We say that once, listen darling, it doesn't suit me and I have a need to see you more often. And when darling doesn't care, we say goodbye. Otherwise, we will moan again, complain to friends who will have enough of us and ask passers-by on the street what to do with our darling. Doing that will never make us happy.

Number three - we always remember that we have the steering wheel from our lives. 

If we like to blame everyone for everything, we can immediately stop reading it and return to our sad world under the title '' I like when it rains because then you can't see my tears ''. Seriously, we understand that no matter what our childhood was, what our uncle did to us drunk, or how dad spoke to us and whether my mother went to Bahamas with a fitness trainer, now I am an adult and I choose and I decide. Of course, it's great to redo everything and understand where it all comes from, but we don't poke at it. It will not help, now it is now and we decide, not uncle Frank. I really know what I'm saying, trust me. Understand that everything that happens in your life is the result of your decision. And the sooner you understand it, the sooner you predict success. And we always address the question and the grievances to ourselves. We always ask the question what I did wrong, what I could do differently. It's not about guilt, it's just to stop blaming everyone for our failures. Okay, my husband drinks and doesn't pay bills. Why waste time blaming my husband? First of all, it is MY husband, so I chose him. Secondly, it might be better to start doing something about it and leave all this junk behind. Think about your mistakes and bad choices and that's how we go forward. There is no other way. Unless it's down, but no one consciously wants to roll to the bottom. We also put the steering wheel inside our car.

Number four - we find our life calling.

Something that most people have a problem with. Everyone thinks it must be so obvious. That I must be an opera singer or dance in a musical. First of all, everyone has something that he loves or at least likes to do. Only usually we do not combine it with passion and do not notice it at all. Because someone likes to make dumplings. What is this passion, right? Well, it is beautiful and you can certainly make a living from it. In general, everything we love to do, we will do with passion and hence, we will do well. And we will earn on it. But it's hard to believe in yourself. But you have to find it and start doing it. It doesn't matter what age you are. No matter where do you start. It is important that doing that will makes us happy and we will enjoy it. For example, I recently found another calling and something that gives me terrible pleasure and if it wasn't for the fact that I already have a million other such things, I would definitely take care of it. And I guarantee you that it's nothing obvious. You also need to learn to watch yourself and notice when your heart beats faster when you do something. Don't think that you have no talent at all and you can't do anything.

At the end of my mess today, I recommend starting from at least one point and putting it into practice and you will see what magic will start happening around you :)